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Black People don’t do snow

 
 
 
Riri2 Riri1I follow Rihanna on Instagram, I know, I’m an agbaya.  But I love this chick for so many reasons I’ll discuss another day. Everytime Rihanna posts a picture on Instagram my fashion heart just melts, always on point always on F*** you mode. If the fashion doesn’t get me, the exotic locations do,  that’s until she started instagraming in the snow!! Now don’t get me wrong, the fashion as always was on point; the hat, the gloves, the colours – My God I love Rihanna, but the snow?  I rolled my eyes and kept scrolling,  where are my bodybuilders jor  – you need to follow bodybuilders on instagram!
 
My temporary indifference to Rihanna reminds me of the time my friend said in excitement  ” I’m going shopping for my holiday” . It was winter, I was immediately gripped with envy! Winter getaways are notoriously expensive, I couldn’t afford it, but man I needed some sun!! And then she said “we are so looking forward to skiing this year“.  I almost busted out laughing,  I didn’t. Instead, I rolled my inner eyes, all envy evaporating, not a holiday after all just ‘suffer head’. Quite frankly, that’s how a lot of us black people view skiing; a complete nonsensical sport,  not worth the risk to our limbs, let alone lives,  and certainly not worth the money!! But of course we all know black folks who really really enjoy skiing! that’s at least what they tell us,  and their oyinbo friends,  good for them! But as we Nigerians say ” Butter o se onje Obo” meaning  “Butter isn’t monkeys food”.
 
Someone asked me the other day if I wouldn’t even try skiing! I said if it was a free holiday I’d go along.  I’ve always wanted to wear those great fur hats and gloves.  And I do love looking out onto the snow in the comfort of my house,  so  I’ll happily enjoy being in a  warm cabin with an open fire, a glass of champagne, watching others play in the snow.
 
 
It’s not just the skiing thing.  My trainer asked me if I was following the winter Olympics, I told him straight up ‘ No’ I couldn’t care less about it! He laughed and said “Lola you would really like bla bla bla bla bla, you are quite sporty ” I rolled my eyes.  I didn’t know what half of the sports he listed were.  I barely understand figure skating; grown ass people in silly outfits twirling and prancing about on ice,  like children! I remember the day I actually went along with some friends and acquaintances to iceskate. I regretted it. For the entire duration of the torture,   I imagined myself falling down and crashing head first, smashing all my teeth, including my very expensive implants and destroying years of dental work. No. I’m in no hurry to go back to Hungry for dental work thanks. My trainer went on a bit, so I said look I’m African right, these sports are far removed from our interests, natural climate experience etc – my trainer said “I’m African too Lola” I couldn’t bite my tongue ” Yes Gavin, White South African” we both laughed and continued the training I enjoyed! Running, sprinting, weight lifting!
 
 
Listen right,  I have no problem with the winter Olympics or skiing but lets call a spade a spade, few  black people are interested in these sports.  Personally I think we should have the tropical Olympics!  I started this conversation on FB and I’ve since been educated  there are indeed a number of black nations participating in the winter olympics, I hear you laughing too,  even Togo is there!!! don’t ask.  When I dug a bit deeper nearly all the African representative were born abroad. Of course some smart ass is gonna jump on me and start telling me about snow peaks in the mountains of Algeria, Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania and even snow falls in Egypt, Tunisia and so forth but still who cares these are not common occurrences.
 
They say live and let live, so let the winter  olympic roll on, all sports are great right, but me sha I’m not interested.

Beyonce Wife, Mother, Whore?

I’ve seen a lot of hate directed at Beyoncé lately, and to be honest I wasn’t that interested, Beyoncé is pretty and rich enough to fight her own battles. But the venom directed at her after her Grammy performance has left me pondering over what really lies behind the criticism of a 32 year old grown woman choosing to dress how she wants, expressing her sexuality and fantasy.   I am convinced that some of the backlash gives  us an insight into society’s expectation of married women.  We still live in a culture that feels more comfortable in putting women in boxes; a culture that wants to shut its eyes to women’s sexuality especially as we get older, become wives, and mothers. Beyonce’s new song ‘drunk in love’ pisses on that notion. Why can’t Beyoncé talk about surfing on her man’s wood, pouring on it,  surfing on it” Sex is an intrinsic part of who we are and yes married women and mothers like to get down too. Beyoncé is a performer whose authenticity and connection with her fans relies on her keeping her lyrics real and relatable. We all danced and clapped to “Put a ring on it” because we all know assholes who missed out on putting a ring on it.  We all whooped to “to the left, to the left’ because women related to kicking some undeserving guys to the curb”. Her sexuality is as much a part of her as any of those lyrics. and I personally have no issue with her singing about it.

They say Beyoncé is a slut, a whore, a disgrace, and a bad role model for gyrating and dry humping on stage; too raunchy, too debauch.  Apparently this is completely inappropriate for children to see, honestly,  I’m tired of this argument, anyway my own children were in bed, and yes I would have let them watch Beyoncé and Jay Z’s PDA. I would have explained that this is a performance. And that Beyoncé’s attire or lingerie was stage outfit, no different to what Pink swung on ropes in, and more appropriate than Miley Cyrus’s flesh coloured knicker set – and even that I had no problem with.  But it’s not just the outfit bugging people is it? One viewer wrote on Facebook “Aren’t you a mother now!!? Thought you had more class, how trashy.  It is this wife and mother thing that is really winding some people up.

I hear you shout well what about the lyrics!? What about the lurid sexual content. Well my children wouldn’t have understood the lyrics, look, even at 14 when I sang the lyrics to ” I wanna sex you up” by Color Me Bad I didn’t quite appreciate the meaning. And if you are of Nigerian heritage I will refer you to some equally sexual lyrics by the maestro of Afro Juju,  king  Sunny Ade “what do you desire, what do you desire, sweet banana, sweet banana” and that’s one of the tamer ones! I sang these songs, loved the melodies,  but I promise you, at 7 or 8 I had no interest in analysing the lyrics, as we now assume all young people do. And if my children were teenagers why shouldn’t they listen to a woman describing how she gives and takes pleasure.

What about the reference to the domestic violence suffered by Tina Turner’  Jay Z  not only refers to himself as Ike Turner but alludes to one of the most harrowing scene in ‘What’s love got to do with it’ “ Now eat the cake Anna Mae’.  Now I struggled with this one.  It is uncomfortable, but only  when you take the lyrics literary. consider the lyrics in the context of  – a sexual tale of two consenting adults – and  you may see that it simply is a reference to Jay Z’s sexual prowess, the lyrics move from recounting sexual exploits to sharing their fantasies – the Anna Mae reference is possibly a glimpse into their sexual fantasies.  Now you may think this is all too much to put out,  and I get that,  but Beyoncé’s is an artist, her art form requires expression, and yes this may include sexual expression, more than anything else she  is a grown woman ……. Now you know how that  tune ends.

Lupita this, Lupita that.

lupita-nyong-o-19th-critics-choice-movie_4027665I am not a hater. Lupita is wildly talented. But seriously, people are beginning to get on my nerves with comments about how refreshing her dark afro and dark skin tone is ” oh it’s so nice to see a different type of black beauty represented in mainstream media”

Alek Wek and Grace Jones must be fuming!!!! What? they weren’t pretty and cuddly enough? To be honest I’m not even bothered about people so quickly wanting to forget about the powerful images these women put out, it’s all good. What’s irritating, is that people aren’t commenting on the beautiful Lupita and leaving it at that, they are making these comments, and simultaneously  ridiculing other stunningly beautiful black women,  calling them out for being  fairer, all weaved up and overtly sexual.  So here is my gripe, we as black women cannot expect others to embrace the diverse beauty amongst us when we don’t do the same ourselves.  I celebrate Lupita for her talent, beauty, elegance and style.  I equally celebrate Beyoncé for her full on,  in your face weaved up,  24 inch Peruvian hair, fanning!!!!.  We don’t have to have a one in, one out mentality,  freedom comes from embracing diversity. Can I finish by calling out some hypocrites!!! All of a sudden these dudes are checking on Lupita abi? When was the last time you saw a fine bro  with a Gorimapa Lupita look alike? And to all my beautiful sisters shouting about  how much her look is refreshing, ” Lupita this, Lupita that”, abegiiiiiiiiiiiii when was the last time you stepped out in your natural afro.?